Category Archives: Parenting

People are Purposed

February 19,  2014

People are Purposed

We are given a certain amount of time Here. What we decide to do with it is up to us.

Worrying is the biggest precious-time waster. It pulls us to the sidelines of our journey until we again move it out of the way.

If we asked God what our purpose is here, what would His answer be? There’s the food chain, miraculous all on its own, but I wouldn't guess being a part of it is the reason we are here.

To be able to watch the amazing sun rise and set, day after day? To document everyday miracles like creating oil out of dinosaur fossils, how the trees create the air we need to breath, to discover how the continents on earth all seemed to fit like puzzle pieces so many years ago? I don’t think God worried about whether we would discover or study those things or not. I can’t speak for Him. But along with all these other miracles, I think He put us here to leave imprints behind.

And not to worry about what others judgments would be of them. If we are feeling less valued in the world, it is not because of what others think of us, it is due to what we think of ourselves. It means that we intuitively know that we aren't making the imprint that we are capable of.

It means that we need to do more first for ourselves, so that we can do more for others and feel our value.

How will we raise our children? Our children don’t belong to us. Their sweet souls are lent to us. Entrusted into our care. The way we raise our children is part of the imprint that we leave behind. Will they respect the world and others because we came into their lives? Will they know that their purpose depends solely on them and their decisions as THEY move through their life? I believe in God and am not ashamed. There are so many good things in life that people are ashamed of. When my son was a second grader, he decided that it was embarrassing for his mother to kiss him good-bye at the carline drop-off at school.

What we do in that one breath of the morning will help decide who they can be.

I jokingly told him that next time, I’ll wear my ruby-red lipstick and kiss him all over his little face before he exits the car, and then kindly told him, “Don’t be embarrassed about love. Be embarrassed about hate, but never be embarrassed about love.” In those few precious seconds, I encouraged a very sweet soul to stay sweet. Thirteen years later, he has never stopped kissing, hugging and saying “I love you.”

We leave an imprint everywhere we go and on everyone we meet. Make it pretty.

~~~Katherine A. Rayne~~~ Facebook.com/BackToBeingAWoman.com

Miss Labeling

Friday, February 7, 2014

Miss Labeling

We love to label. Sometimes we allow it to determine who we are or who they are. We hear it often. She's "autistic." He has "ADHD." He's a "clutz." I have a "hang nail." (No, I just cut my nail too short...smile.) Many, many times we truly need the labeling to help determine how an individual can be helped, but even as a teacher, I still don't like the labeling. I'd rather say, he doesn't like loud noises. Or she likes her pasta separate from her vegetables. Or he waves his arms out of excitement. There's the story about the twin girls who were studied since birth after being adopted out to separate families. When interviewing the parents to compare any similarities that the twins may have had while being raised apart,

one mother replied, "she won't eat ANYthing unless we put cinnamon on it." The other mother said about her daughter, "she'll eat ANYthing if we sprinkle a little cinnamon on it." A sentence can change the difference of who your child is to you. You don't even have to change her or fix him. 

My daughter is healthy. And so is an autistic child. My daughter thrives. And so does a child with ADHD. He isn't a clutz, he just falls down a lot. We could ALL find ways to label ourselves. (What is that disease when you have to clean before a cleaning lady comes?)

I would never play down the differences of children who need that extra help and attention. It can be a completely different life having children who don't need extra help and effort.

I remember years ago when my husband and I were seeing a marriage counselor. Our counselor was determined to look at me and see "depression" so that he could prescribe anti-depressants. "So doctor, you're saying to me that if my husband cheats on me, feeling shitty is not "normal??"

I chose the route of going through the shitty feelings. I would never blame anyone for taking the alternate route.

But I felt I needed to feel shitty, so I could work out the shittiness. To me, tears felt cleansing.

So you could totally call me depressed at the time, but I chose to describe it as a woman going through tough times because her husband made her feel really shitty. To me, that was the normalcy. Not the prescriptions. I sure wasn't supposed to feel happy. Not just yet, anyway. I told my doctor that I'd rather leave the problem in my "incoming bin" until I knew how to put it into my "outgoing bin." (See how well labels can work?) Labeling can be very helpful.

Especially when it puts us on the path towards how we can better navigate our place in life.

I just proof read my blog so far and it was supposed to have a slightly comical feel to it, (it doesn't) and I also don't feel I'm making the full point that I wanted to make. I think the message I wanted was, don't take life too seriously. It makes me think of our celebrated day for Martin Luther King, Jr. I always cringe a tad at the idea of sharing with my preschoolers that someone didn't like black people years ago. I'd rather make the point that there was a great man who saw that the world wasn't getting along as it should, and he prayed for peace and solidarity. I guess I don't want to plant the idea into their innocent little minds that African-American means "different" or "unacceptable," even if it was years ago. I want them to continue seeing each other as friends that can get along with lots of love, no matter what. The difference is our personalities, not our skin. And in the same way, who we are is not about what we are labeled as. It's about what our possibilities are. Because our possibilities are endless, no matter how you label it.

~~~Katherine A. Rayne~~~

Live a better life after reading Back To Being A Woman (Without Changing The Man) for sale on Amazon.com in paperback or ebook form.