Category Archives: Wipe-out Worry!

#BetterChoices2016

“F” is for Free To Choose – Pandora’s Box

"F" is for Free to Choose

The story of Pandora’s box goes that she opened the box out of curiosity and all sorts of evils of the world escaped. All that was left inside of the box was hope. Let’s pretend for the moment. Let’s say that you’re a worry wart. Pretend that you opened your own Pandora’s Box, and all of your worries flew out until there were no more left. The only thing left in your box was hope that you haven’t used yet. You’ve been making choices based on fear for so long and you've finally let them all go. Your choices from now on are all based on hope.

Cooooolllll. 🙂

So what do you hope for and what choices can you make to make your hopes happen?

You are free to choose how your day will go. My series of blogs for 2016 is about making better choices, and the way your day will go is based a lot on what choices you make as it progresses. Even if you are having the kind of day that you’d much rather be doing something else, you get to choose the way you will experience it.

How will you start your day? How will you end your day?

What will you do through your day? What will be fun throughout your day? What will you make fun throughout your day?

You don’t have to wait and see how it will end, or let it end the same way that it always does. You can change it. Right now you know how your day will go with its’ normal routine. What could you do to change it to make it better or more interesting or more engaging? My days can get pretty boring. They become repetitive. I leave work and do the same things…errands, grocery store, pick up my daughter from school, finish any errands and then go home for HomeworkDinnerLaundryWalkdogBed. Then it’s often repeated exactly the same way the next day. It’s choices that I make during that time that can make it more fun.

How will you cook dinner? Candles, music, with or without little helping hands setting the table for you, or in front of the TV alone with your meal, glass of wine and your favorite show that’s been recorded for weeks. (That was supposed to sound enticing.) 😉

There are weeks at a time that my routine becomes stagnant. That’s my sign to get more creative.

Be global. There is constant change in the world. Make sure that you are changing and renewing like the world does. You’ve opened your Pandora Box and released all of the worries and fears in your minds’ world. Now dig down deep inside of it for the hopes and dreams that have been buried under the fears and act on them by choosing them.

What choice will you make today that will change  and renew you?

Katherine A. Rayne is blogging the ABC's Blog Series of #BetterChoices2016 to encourage you to create a life you love. You can find her previous blogs (A, B, C, D and E) here.

If you have yet to make a bucket list, find her printable form here to start one now.

Find us on Facebook at Back To Being a Woman.

Simple and Elegant Couch Sitting

I haven’t blogged in a while and I miss it. I’ve been busy with school beginning again but I have also been a bit in the “too lazy/too tired to do it” phase. My classroom duties keep me busy so being able to relax on the weekends is REALLY nice. You’ve heard of people who house sit? The last two weekends I feel like I’ve couch sat. 🙂

To keep myself on the couch a bit longer, instead of blogging, I am passing on to you an excerpt from my book. When I read my newest book, it almost feels like a memoir, although I didn’t intend it to. It’s about making your (my) life more simple and more elegant, and I wrote it as a journal/workbook as well as non-fiction. You get to write and doodle in it in other words! AND I won’t even read your answers. 🙂 Okay, so here’s an excerpt from Chapter 2, page 54:

Your own simple and elegant have many different definitions and appearances. I used to look for someone else’s creation of it in home magazines for decorating my first very own teeny-tiny 800 square foot home and the very last larger home many years later as well as all of the homes in between. When you grow up as the fourth daughter and the youngest, everyone is better than you. They are better at running, board games, friendships, socializing, drawing, singing, coloring, remembering, riding bikes, making beds, aiming, pony tails, dancing, make-up and even better at winning arguments. You are never the best at anything so you settle for being good. Good at everything, the best at nothing. Even when you’re an adult, you still seek out the better things that other people create. You know you’re good but you want the better so you always look elsewhere. And you do that until one day you figure out that maybe your good is better, sometimes even best. There’s more than enough room in the world for everyone to have better and best. And sometimes you just have to make the best of it. I do that often and I’m good at it. 🙂 I’ve had enough practice, and practice IS what makes us better at what we do. I’ve been upgraded to better!

Between the gazillion people in the world, there are a gazillion standards to go by. When I talk about making my life simple and elegant, it’s me who gets to decide what that looks like and what it feels like. It’s also me who gets to decide when I get there and how long it takes. I will pull on my intuition and check my gut to feel it and to find it. Simple and elegant to me are defined by one word; agreeable. It’s when something doesn’t have any more thorns on its side that prick me and tell me that something’s just not right. It can have scratches or be off center or tainted, but if it is agreeable to my gut, we’re good. Or we’re better, or best. Find your good, better and best and remove all of the thorns #ThatYouHaveControlOf so that you can become your own simple, elegant self. The rest of the thorns that you don’t have control of? Those are just #Pricks. #:)

You can find your simple, elegant side AND encourage your hidden put-on-the-back-burner gifts to shine in my newest book. #Live Simply #Live Elegantly-Your Life Journal is on Amazon.com. I want you to shine so strinkin’ bright, that we’ll need sunglasses just to look you in the eye. 🙂     Love, Katherine   PosterLogoTM

Paperback: $9.99   Ebook:  $7.99

What Stop Sign?

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

 

What Stop Sign?

There are so many things in life that “stop us” from moving forward. Insecurity. Judgment. Being afraid. Exhaustion. Worry.

(#OMGifiusethatwordONEMORETIMEpeoplewillstopreadingme!)

We can see them coming from a mile away, but each and every time we stop cautiously, sheepishly and diligently. Always politely allowing the worry to go on ahead in front of us. We don’t know yet what’s on the other side, but we’re afraid of it already. “Oh dear. Here comes one of those moments. I think I’ll stop here and take a break while I ponder all the terrible things that could happen.”

I had a great aunt who had a brain tumor removed many years ago. Along with the tumor, the doctors removed her worry. Literally. I don’t know about you, but don’t great aunts ALREADY say the darndest things?! You can imagine what thoughts came out of her mouth. No care, no worry, always with a shit-eating grin. Almost always turning my six-year old mouth into an OVAL. But along with the silence in the room that often followed her comments, my guess is that many of the adults around her were wishing that they had no worry holding them back, either.

What if our minds didn't use worry? Didn't know worry. Would our instincts kick in hard and drive us to where we are supposed to be SOONER and with less of the gray hairs?

My daughter has the worry wart. It’s hidden most of the time but it comes out when she’s home and feels safe. I try to make her think of the worst thing that could happen. Every time I (remember to) use this tactic, it puts her sweet mind at ease.

Many times the worst isn't awful. It’s livable. It’s workable. It’s get-around-able. So instead of going around it or letting it go ahead of us, we need to just plow through it.

Be CURIOUS about what’s on the other side of it. And eager. And forget the worry wart that grows in between your intelligence and sense of humor. Disengage it. Go through this world by barging through your octagon signs leaving oval signs in your path!

A definition of worry:   verb 1. to torment oneself with, or to make oneself suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.

Please note "torment oneself." It means that we do it to ourselves! We do it with our imagination. Use your imagination to conjure up positive occurrences. Why think about all the BAD things that could happen.

Think instead about all the GOOD things that could happen. Plunge through the stop signs when they start popping up. You’ll go farther.

~Katherine A. Rayne~ www.backtobeingawoman.com Visit her at www.facebook.com/BackToBeingAWoman

Worrying is Stupid…

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Worrying is Stupid...

"Worrying is Stupid. It's like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain."Wiz Khalifa

I came across this quote today and decided I must share it. I want to relieve women of worry it seems, so this comparison of worry to an unnecessary umbrella is inspiration for me (and my worries). I have never heard of Mr. Wiz Khalifa until today, but after dutifully Googling him, I found that "Wiz" is his nickname because of his wisdom, and that he likes cannabis. I find his words inspiring enough to quote, regardless of his habits. Because it is truthful.

I know this because of my habits. A worrier.

I want our inner light to calm and suffocate our worries. Because it really is wasteful. Our energies can be better utilized if we think, breathe and focus on something better. Something more useful.

In my book, Back To Being A Woman (Without Changing the Man), one of my chapters discuss confidence within ourselves in all areas, including our physical traits. We each know what we dislike about our body. Big nose, small breasts, thick thighs, surgical scars. And I can compare worry to the negative focus we put on our physical traits that we aren't happy with.

Stop focusing on those traits of yourself. Don't let them overshadow all of your best features. Let your good traits stand up and shine.

Worry does not have to be a part of your day. You can shove it off to the side so that your intelligence and common sense can come through.

So that ideas of what your day will entail can push forward. Why worry about that meeting? Why worry about what's for dinner? Why worry that you didn't get to the gym once again? Why worry that you are running late in traffic? That ten minutes of worry won't fix it for you or improve upon it. You will still be in the same dilemma as before you began to worry. What if you focus on how you are going to limit that situation in the future? Set a plan. Or just let them go. The moments will pass. Think about better things. Acknowledge that dinner will still taste good, no matter what you decide to have. Remember that the meeting will happen, ready or not. Take it in stride.

Our days will always have challenges. Accept the challenges, including the unplanned ones. Have the confidence that you will make it through, just as you have every other day of your life.

They are such small matters in the context of life. Life is so much bigger than the worry we create for ourselves. Soooo much bigger. Create a habit of positives. Look for the good, even in the bad.

Ask yourself what is the silver lining. And reflect it onto your day.

Love, ~Katherine~

You can find Back To Being A Woman (Without Changing the Man) for sale on Amazon.com in ebook or paperback form.

People are Purposed

February 19,  2014

People are Purposed

We are given a certain amount of time Here. What we decide to do with it is up to us.

Worrying is the biggest precious-time waster. It pulls us to the sidelines of our journey until we again move it out of the way.

If we asked God what our purpose is here, what would His answer be? There’s the food chain, miraculous all on its own, but I wouldn't guess being a part of it is the reason we are here.

To be able to watch the amazing sun rise and set, day after day? To document everyday miracles like creating oil out of dinosaur fossils, how the trees create the air we need to breath, to discover how the continents on earth all seemed to fit like puzzle pieces so many years ago? I don’t think God worried about whether we would discover or study those things or not. I can’t speak for Him. But along with all these other miracles, I think He put us here to leave imprints behind.

And not to worry about what others judgments would be of them. If we are feeling less valued in the world, it is not because of what others think of us, it is due to what we think of ourselves. It means that we intuitively know that we aren't making the imprint that we are capable of.

It means that we need to do more first for ourselves, so that we can do more for others and feel our value.

How will we raise our children? Our children don’t belong to us. Their sweet souls are lent to us. Entrusted into our care. The way we raise our children is part of the imprint that we leave behind. Will they respect the world and others because we came into their lives? Will they know that their purpose depends solely on them and their decisions as THEY move through their life? I believe in God and am not ashamed. There are so many good things in life that people are ashamed of. When my son was a second grader, he decided that it was embarrassing for his mother to kiss him good-bye at the carline drop-off at school.

What we do in that one breath of the morning will help decide who they can be.

I jokingly told him that next time, I’ll wear my ruby-red lipstick and kiss him all over his little face before he exits the car, and then kindly told him, “Don’t be embarrassed about love. Be embarrassed about hate, but never be embarrassed about love.” In those few precious seconds, I encouraged a very sweet soul to stay sweet. Thirteen years later, he has never stopped kissing, hugging and saying “I love you.”

We leave an imprint everywhere we go and on everyone we meet. Make it pretty.

~~~Katherine A. Rayne~~~ Facebook.com/BackToBeingAWoman.com

Miss Labeling

Friday, February 7, 2014

Miss Labeling

We love to label. Sometimes we allow it to determine who we are or who they are. We hear it often. She's "autistic." He has "ADHD." He's a "clutz." I have a "hang nail." (No, I just cut my nail too short...smile.) Many, many times we truly need the labeling to help determine how an individual can be helped, but even as a teacher, I still don't like the labeling. I'd rather say, he doesn't like loud noises. Or she likes her pasta separate from her vegetables. Or he waves his arms out of excitement. There's the story about the twin girls who were studied since birth after being adopted out to separate families. When interviewing the parents to compare any similarities that the twins may have had while being raised apart,

one mother replied, "she won't eat ANYthing unless we put cinnamon on it." The other mother said about her daughter, "she'll eat ANYthing if we sprinkle a little cinnamon on it." A sentence can change the difference of who your child is to you. You don't even have to change her or fix him. 

My daughter is healthy. And so is an autistic child. My daughter thrives. And so does a child with ADHD. He isn't a clutz, he just falls down a lot. We could ALL find ways to label ourselves. (What is that disease when you have to clean before a cleaning lady comes?)

I would never play down the differences of children who need that extra help and attention. It can be a completely different life having children who don't need extra help and effort.

I remember years ago when my husband and I were seeing a marriage counselor. Our counselor was determined to look at me and see "depression" so that he could prescribe anti-depressants. "So doctor, you're saying to me that if my husband cheats on me, feeling shitty is not "normal??"

I chose the route of going through the shitty feelings. I would never blame anyone for taking the alternate route.

But I felt I needed to feel shitty, so I could work out the shittiness. To me, tears felt cleansing.

So you could totally call me depressed at the time, but I chose to describe it as a woman going through tough times because her husband made her feel really shitty. To me, that was the normalcy. Not the prescriptions. I sure wasn't supposed to feel happy. Not just yet, anyway. I told my doctor that I'd rather leave the problem in my "incoming bin" until I knew how to put it into my "outgoing bin." (See how well labels can work?) Labeling can be very helpful.

Especially when it puts us on the path towards how we can better navigate our place in life.

I just proof read my blog so far and it was supposed to have a slightly comical feel to it, (it doesn't) and I also don't feel I'm making the full point that I wanted to make. I think the message I wanted was, don't take life too seriously. It makes me think of our celebrated day for Martin Luther King, Jr. I always cringe a tad at the idea of sharing with my preschoolers that someone didn't like black people years ago. I'd rather make the point that there was a great man who saw that the world wasn't getting along as it should, and he prayed for peace and solidarity. I guess I don't want to plant the idea into their innocent little minds that African-American means "different" or "unacceptable," even if it was years ago. I want them to continue seeing each other as friends that can get along with lots of love, no matter what. The difference is our personalities, not our skin. And in the same way, who we are is not about what we are labeled as. It's about what our possibilities are. Because our possibilities are endless, no matter how you label it.

~~~Katherine A. Rayne~~~

Live a better life after reading Back To Being A Woman (Without Changing The Man) for sale on Amazon.com in paperback or ebook form.