January 23, 2001
My mother has just informed me that she has taken you back. You two seem to have an ongoing thing that I'd like to see come to an end. I recall the troubles of your last visit but I'm unable to convince her to leave you.
She is bringing you and her tender heart with her when she visits with me indefinitely. I can only sit by and watch her age as you intrude upon her life. The dark clouds will gather in her eyes whether we speak of you or not. You're her burden. While here, you will replenish your thirst with my water and your hunger with my food while I'd rather see you leave. She withers away when you're around. She's still the mom that I had as a child and is always able to impose her soft strength onto any challenge, but you make her weak. What hold do you have on her? How does she allow your feeble existence of life back into hers?
Regardless, I'll open my door to you both when you arrive hand-in-hand. I'll watch how you interact. She won't look me in the eyes when she's with you. It tells me that she doesn't want to discuss it. Her attitude towards you is so positive. She is a strong, kind and generous woman, but you have your toxic behavior and disastrous lifestyle. I wish you had more compassion. She doesn't speak of the dark secrets while living with you because she is too proud, but you provide the darkest moments of her 63 years. Your frequent and feverish traveling is important to your life, but it disrupts and limits hers.
If my mother is to rid you from her life, she has to be strong. When it's time for her to go home, I hope you will have already left without a trace as you have done in the past. It destroys her, but it's for the best.
Please, Mr. Cancer, no more heartache and loss. If you leave, you and your family will no longer be welcomed here.
Sincerely, KatherineThis is a piece I wrote 13-1/2 years ago when I was caring for my mom during her cancer treatments and surgeries. Unfortunately, my sweet mama had to leave before he did, but she fought hard for the three and a half years he was with her. It's so hard when someone leaves us, but know that it's because they are needed elsewhere. It's their time to shine some place new and beautiful. God gathers us in so many different and difficult ways, but in that brief moment of death and departure, they reach their peace and destiny. Let that idea bring you peace and help you to reach your new and beautiful place here.
Visit Katherine A. Rayne at www.BackToBeingAWoman.com.